- When I was 13, I "dated" a guy in his 30's.
- I've dated at least one gang member.
- I have chlamydia, an STD. I probably got it due to my promiscuity, although I told my ex that it was from another guy who slept around. The man I betrayed read about what it was and asked why I didn't get the problem taken care of since a short use of an antibiotic would get rid of it. I just said that I "hadn't gotten around to it yet". He probably started thinking that maybe it was something else that couldn't be fixed. Well, you gotta give me credit for at least telling him something, right? I guess he was smart to not lose his virginity with me.
Oh my! I learned that untreated, this problem can damage my body and I might not be able to have a child!
- I told my ex that if someone cheats on me, I have a one night stand in retaliation. Some people think that's pathetic and I'm not respecting myself that way. Not only that...I was wrong this time! Maybe I was other times?
- The first time you say you love me, if you don't say it EVERY time I will get suspicious. Once, I called my ex exactly when he was heading out the door for college and he didn't say it. Just an "I'll talk to you soon." That was the only time and I thought there was a reason behind it. "I have a tendency to read into things," I once let him know. That sure is true! In the end, he never stopped loving me even though I thought he did.
- I got in trouble for hitting a cop (but I won't say here why I was in that situation).
- I try to get to bed most every night between 6 and 6:30 pm.
- "I will never stop using weed for anybody. It's how I was raised." I didn't say this until a few days before we were over. A former friend who was pissed at how I behaved said "He doesn't smoke, drink, or use drugs AND he's a virgin!" and I replied "I know, but I want my weed." When my ex asked me "What if we need the money for something else?" I said "I'll just get another job." and immediately "I don't feel comfortable with you any more."
It makes me very uncomfortable if you even suggest that all that I do (the alcohol, marijuana, and antipsychotic medicines) might not be a good combination for me and my mental illness. I'll take it as you are not loving me as I am...not thinking that you love me so much that you want to help. I said to my ex "When you love someone, you take the good and the bad."
All he ever did was ask a single question about something he never knew anything about. I know that about a month into the relationship, I said that that it was okay if a guy smoked a little weed. My ex said he didn't think he'd ever do that and I said that was "good and healthy". That was the end of that discussion at that time. He assumed that I didn't use it; but I didn't tell him I did until much, much later.
He must have been confused why I said it's "good and healthy" that he doesn't use weed, when all the while I use it frequently. Also, how I said that I knew it was "expensive" and "making me tired". He was surely thinking "Does she really believe those things? Apparently not."
He never told me he was leaving me; he just wanted to know more and help. He didn't want me hurting myself in various ways. He didn't want me spending too much money; he wanted me awake more so we could do things togehter. He was honest and real with me; he loved me.
It was someone else who said he would probably leave me if I didn't clean up my act. So, I lied to him about quitting the marijuana "because I love you." He responded "That's good for you. It's good for us."
- I am schizoaffective. Not every schizoaffective person is like me; it's not an excuse for cruelty.
- Told my boyfriend that "I hate going to church. But kids need to be brought up properly." I think I confused him since I had been the one to INVITE HIM to church early on & we went a couple times. He was probably thinking "Would she encourage our children to use dope or alcohol since it was 'proper' and familiar to her?"
- Don't attempt to argue with me in front of kids. Something bad happened to me in front of children and it troubled me. If you break this rule, it's over. If I'm upset and kids are around and you even try to TALK to me, I'll freak and blame you. That's what I did to him. He had only come over to my mom's one day to see me and I was not nice to him. He was a gentleman, though and left when I asked. "Everything's fine." he said. I talked to a friend and told her that "Because of the way I was feeling, I might have yelled at him in front of the kids." So, I guess that is pretty ridiculous; he was there because he cared about me and was concerned about whether or not I might have been trying to hurt myself. He wanted to make things right quickly. Of course, he couldn't since I was just 'out of it' that time and had cheated on him anyway. READ MORE IN THE " MY WRONGDOINGS" SECTION
Other rules of mine are:
- if you cheat, it's over
- if you accuse me of cheating without talking to me, it's over
I broke my OWN rules when it came to my ex! I'm a hypocrite.
- I definitely want a child, even if I say to you otherwise. READ MORE IN THE "MY WRONGDOINGS" SECTION
- "I have a tendency to jump to conclusions." I told him that; it was surely true in this situation. I ruined everything.
- I tend to tell things THROUGH other people. For example, I told a mutual friend of ours (now, just his) feelings and thoughts I had instead of communicating with him. Then, that person told him some of my thoughts. Also, I let other people's opinions/ideas confuse me. I start to think that they are the same way that YOU would be feeling.
